Storytelling & Commission: From Script to Screen OGR by Josh Aldis
(Sorry - originally posted under the wrong post...)OGR 23/01/14I enjoyed your script, Josh. It's nasty and nightmarish and it reminds me of some kind of awful purgatory. I do have some mixed feelings about the ending, which I'll share here. There's a sense of some awful, unbroken cycle at work here - these poor individual's going off for this holiday, only to be pursued and punished by The Barrowman (who is a suitably creepy creation!) - so I'm just wondering at the sense in the Barrowman being vanquished, however temporarily. It seems to me that The Barrowman's goal is to sell ice-cream - but why? Had you considered your story being predicated upon an idea of the 'baton being handed-on'? I.e. that every person luckless enough to come to the black beach is destined to assume the role of the sinister salesmen? The Barrowman passes on the role by insisting that the next newcomer partakes in an ice-cream (which is the moment of hand-over), hence the barrowman's incessant pursuit. It could be that the moment your businessman finally succumbs to eat the ice-cream, the Barrowman vanishes - and then, we see some change take place in the salesman that tells us the true awful nature of his fate. Your story ends with another taxi drawing up... there's something inescapable about your barrowman and this surreal beach, and I just think you could do more with that. As I was reading, I was reminded of the 'Jack Torrance - You've always been the caretaker' moment, and also, very strongly of this character from one of my personal all time favourite TV shows - Papa Lazarou:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2F4ZWTjwTUYou've established such a bold, uncanny place and this Barrowman character is fab - I suppose I just find the current trajectory of the action a bit less so. The other strong visual impression I got while reading your story was of the worlds of the painter De Chirico:http://www.abcgallery.com/C/chirico/chirico.htmlIn terms of production design and visual concept, De Chirico would make for an apposite muse!
Haha, yes there is definitely an air of Lazarou about The Barrowman. Very helpful feedback, the De Chirico pieces perfectly capture that sense of vast, other-worldlyness.